Shut Up. No You Shut Up.

There’s a real art for how to fight in your family.

Family in the family business really complicates a family business

The going rate to avoid a family conflict is pegged at $50. (Okay, that’s the going rate for avoiding a tantrum with a child.) How much would you pay to avoid a family business conflict? 

What’s the cost of discord and what would you pay to make it go away

In many ways we were being set up for this from the start. You fought with your brothers and sisters when you were growing up, why should it be any different when you enter the family business together? The same dynamics are there, age, pecking order, favoritism and striving for attention. The one big thing that changes is the playing field. The playing field is no longer the back yard, it’s the corporate offices.

Have you ever read about management styles and personas? By understanding someone’s persona or management style you can find ways to exploit it by pressing their hot buttons or find ways to befriend them by conforming more to their style and behavior. This understanding goes a long way toward dealing with conflict in a healthy way.

Birth order plays a big part in how we’re going to get along together. I remember someone who said they can ask just 3 questions, and they can figure out a person’s personality and management style, with 80% accuracy. The three questions were (1) how many siblings do you have? (2) where are you in the pecking order, (3) how far apart in age are your siblings? Research proves this out and it’s very predictable. 

When you do get together these are some ideas to keep it civil:

1. Reaction-Keep even-keel emotions, even under pressure
2. Compromise-Take the high road – sometimes you must give-in to win
3. Avoid sensitive conversations when overly tired
4. Defuse-Complimenting someone often gets a reciprocal compliment in return
5. You’re not always right-Don’t feel you have to win everything 
6. Keep Positive-Beware of the contrarian attitude
7. Don’t be controlling and overbearing-let others go with their ideas
8. When disagreement happens try to get past the conflict and get to a listening stage
9. Don’t try to 1-up – Let them take the limelight. 
10. Actively Listen-As Grouch Marx said “Years ago I tried to top everybody, but I don’t anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you’re always looking for a topper you aren’t really listening.”